is still there, it's just no longer acute.
I realized long ago I had to do whatever it took to not feel the way they wanted me to feel about myself, along the way I've decided that this is only possible by chemically lobotomizing myself to the point where I feel nothing at all.
I have self destructed beyond comprehension and when the haze of oblivion clears I'm left to deal with the mess that has been caused by my own hand. I am living in the hell that I have created.
I am like a china doll that has fallen and shattered into a millions pieces...It would be so hard to put myself back together and even if by miracle I can manage to do that, the cracks will always be there, the impurities will always be visible....I will never be perfect again.
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